


Caro Diario

by orphan_account



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Action/Adventure, Amnesia, Drama, Fantasy, Humor, M/M, Marco is in troubles, Mistery, There's something weird going on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-03-26 09:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3845623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It would've been nice to think 'not again' and try to get some memories about a wild night with alcohol included, and how did I finished sleeping in a park, but the thing is that I can't remember a single thing, so I don't know if I tend to do things like getting wasted and in troubles.</p><p>Or: Marco wakes up in a town full of strange people, he doesn't even remember his name, and there's something weird going on, he knows that it has to do with him and that the only way of fixing it, is finding out what it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be confusing, sorry.

Day 1

Caro Diaro:

Someone should do something about the fucking sun, for real. Don't you think it is rude to just rise and burn the eyes of, well, everyone? My head already ached like hell, I didn't need the sun there, screwing with me. I groaned, not ready to get up, wanting to sleep for 5 more minutes more than anything. I tried to roll to the other side of the bed to get a better position and continue with my sweet sleep, but Gods weren't on my side, I didn't find the other side of the bed, conversely, I fell on the cold, hard ground.

I opened my eyes and moaned a little, great, now my hole body hurt.

Ok, I noticed that there was something weird with the situation, I wasn't in my room, I wasn't even in a room. An old lady passed by my side, and looking at me with horror, ran away. Nice to meet you too. It's not like I blame her, though, I know everybody would do the same, if you find a guy lying on the ground of a, what was it? A park?, you run, he is probably dangerous or stoned.

It would've been nice to think 'not again' and try to get some memories about a wild night with alcohol included, and how did I finished sleeping in a park, but the thing is that I can't remember a single thing, so I don't know if I tend to do things like getting wasted and in troubles.

Seriously, I don't remember what happened last night, I don't remember why I was in a park, I don't remember where I live. Fuck, I don't even remember my name. I think it might be Marco, I mean, I have a tattoo on my left arm that says 'Marco' with fancy letters. It could be the name of my child (Do I have a child?) maybe some brother, boyfriend, or even husband (Am I even gay?). I'm glad to be sure that I'm a man, that saves a lot of troubles. I'm still wondering if I am stupid enough to get my own name tattooed in my arm. It is the only thing I have for now, so let's pretend that my name is Marco.

I sat on the ground, trying to look less mad and fished through my pocket, trying to find something that could help me. I found a wallet, my wallet probably, it seems like a have money enough to survive for a couple of days, I didn't find any credit card, photo or note, just the cash. I also found two mint gums in my pocket and a some papers that looked like the ones you get from a bus, the ink was faded, and I couldn't read much. I kept them safely inside the wallet, I will inspect them later.

The sun bumped on my face again, I held my head and tried to breath as slowly as I could, I was on the edge of having a panic attack, anxiety taking control of my being and mixing with a horrible headache. I stood up, I needed to do something and distract myself from the fact that I don't know who the fuck am I. Thanks to that, now I know two things about me 1) I'm a man 2)I'm not disabled. 

I started walking around the park, jumping a little just to prove that point. I smiled a little, at least this wasn't one of those situations in which some Italian gangsters break your legs and leave you to die. I still don't know if some aliens kidnapped me and put a camera in my butt, maybe the government did some kind of research on me and then had to make me forget about everything.

Great, now I know another thing 3) I have seen too many movies.

I feel weird in more than one way, I feel comfortable with my body but I still can't fully recognize it. Thanks to the wonders of the muscular memory, I can move without problems, and that's really good, I have long and skinny legs, I don't want to fall for not knowing how to use them, imagine how ridiculous I would look. Ok 4) I think stupid things and I can't focus. Hope it isn't like this all the time.

The park wasn't big, but it was very pretty, in about twenty minutes I was in the same place I started, which leads me to 5) I don't have problems with jogging, it looks like I'm pretty athletic.

I thought that after that long, I would've had some kind of flashback explaining everything, so I could go home and sleep, but by then, I would've been happy with anything. Honestly, some crazy and flurry image of a duck talking that then I would have to decode would have been great. Brain, anything would do, why don't you want to collaborate?

Frustrated, I kicked a lonely can, oh can, I understand how you feel, alone and not knowing what to do. What I am going to do? I don't know, my brain didn't answer me, my stomach did 'Go, and eat something please' Of course I will, thank you for the idea.

This town is probably one of those historical, you know, one of those places in which something important happened a long, long time ago, and everybody remembers it, but almost no one lives there. That kind of town you visit on a weekend, when everyone is bored, and no one in your family really wants to go, but do it anyway. Ok, I think I made my point clear.

The thing is that the town has a lot of familiar places to go, visit and grab a bite and, of course, everything is overpriced. I don't know how long I will stay like this, so I don't want to waste my money, that's why I looked for the cheapest place I could find, and damn it was cheap. It was some place called ''The red dragon'' and had some British features. Nice try.

I walked in, moving my head from side to side and trying to make myself as big as possible. Why? You may ask, simple, I wanted everyone to see me, someone could recognized me and kick some sense into me. I sat on one of the tables and waited until some lazy waiter came closer to me.

''What are you ordering?'' He asked, chewing a gum with his mouth open. I read in his badge that his name was Thomas.

''Um...can you get me a sandwich and some beer, please?'' I said, staring at him intensely, trying to see if his face could bring me some kind of memory. That's what happens in movies.

''Uh, do I have something in my face?'' Thomas said, touching his face. I wanted to say 'Yeah, you have a volcano there...oh, wait, it's just your nose', which leads me to 7) I like making mean jokes about others. I didn't say that, mainly because I didn't want my sandwich to be spat, and also because I hadn't seen my face, my nose could be bigger and then the joke would've be on me.

''No, sorry, I just thought I knew you from somewhere'' I quickly lied ''Where's the toilet?''

''Left hand, I wouldn't go if I were you'' He raised his eyebrows ''It is no exactly clean, I've been complaining about that since I started working here, but the manager is an a-hole, if you know what I mean, and said that if I wanted the place to be clean, I should clean it myself, and I was like, woah friend, I won't put my hands there, I don't want to catch some disease, and then he was like, Ok, then you don't care if it is clean or not. Can you believe it?'' He spoke so quickly, that was the thing I couldn't believe. Does that count as a superpower?

''...Sure'' I said awkwardly, while standing up. I walked to the toilet and realized that the waiter wasn't lying, it really was filthy as hell. The mirror was dirty too, but it still could realized that 8) I'm pretty hot, and 9) I'm not humble. My hair was mess, I tried to fix it a little, but it was a hard task making it collaborate, I had to repress the little sassy that seems to live inside me and pee on the horrible toilet, frowning my nose with the smell of the place. It remind me of that scene in Trainspotting. Ok, why do I remember things about movies, but can't remember y own name? 

I washed my hands and returned to my table, to find Thomas leaving a sandwich and a glass of beer. My stomach grumbled, happy to see that at least they made things fast. It looks like 10) I really like beer. Like, for real, it's like a choir of angels singing. I think I might be an alcoholic, I'd rather stay away from beer for a while.

I happily ate, a clock on the wall said that it was already four in the afternoon, it was still sunny outside, so I think it must be spring, it is not hot enough for summer. I'm so tired, amnesia isn't funny.

I paid and went outside, trying to think what else could I do. I think it must be Sunday or a holiday, mostly everything that isn't for eating is closed. A few blocks away from The Red Dragon, a found a very filthy guy selling stuff, I don't know why I went to talk to him, I just felt like doing it.

''Hey, buddy'' I said, trying to be polite and watching the rubbish he was selling with faked interest.

''Hey'' He said, smiling really wide, his curly and black hair was a dirty mess, he had a beanie with more holes than a cheese, and still managed to look handsome. 11) I'm gay, no doubt, sorry mom. (Is my mom alive? Is she worried?) ''what where you looking for?''

''Do you have some notebook? Anything to write on will do'' I said, realizing that keeping a diary about the whole thing would be a good idea. He looked around his things and gave me this little diary that said 'Caro Diario' 

''Here you are, I think that means 'Dear diary' in Italian'' He explained to me, still smiling.

''Oh, yes. There's a movie named Caro Diario, one from Nanni Moretti'' I quickly said, the guy say nothing, he probably didn't know the movie, I still can't believe that I remember this things, but not my own name ''How much is it?''

''Just keep it, is a gift'' He looked at me seriously ''You are not from here, are you?'' He said those words carefully, I think he might know something, I will talk to him again later

''No, I'm not'' I answered, even thought I don't really know if I am ''I'm on a holiday''

''Oh, right'' He said, nodding ''Do you have a place to stay in?''

''No'' I answered slowly ''why?

''Just asking'' He shrugged. Definitely, he knows something ''there's a place a few blocks from here called 'The Red Faggot' or something like that. The food is shit, but it is cheap, and rooms are okay. Also, they have this little receptionist'' He wiggled his eyebrows ''he has the finest ass in town''

I know he knows something, but he is really creepy, so I decided the best for now would be leave to The Red Dragon, write a little and sleep. I'm sure tomorrow everything will be fine, if not, I will go to a hospital, I can't stay like this, I'm going mad.

When I reached the restaurant again, I found Thomas, he confirmed what the bloke with the curly hair said, there was a little hotel running upstairs. I went up and found a little guy in the reception, that greeted me with the brightest smile I had ever seen. Not that I remember, anyway.

''Good afternoon, Sir'' He said ''Were you looking for a room?''

''Yes, please, do you have one available?'' I asked, a little lost in his kindness.

''Of course we do'' He took some papers out ''Just let me check you in. What is your name?''

''Hum...Clint...Eastwood?'' I said. The guy frowned for two seconds, and then started laughing hysterically. Is everyone here mad?

''I love Back to the future!'' He said ''but I need your real name''

''Yeah, of course'' I laughed, nervous ''It is Marco...Marco Moretti'' I said the first thing that came to my head.

''Moretti? Like Nanni Moretti?'' He asked. I couldn't believe it, he knows about movies.

''Yes, exactly'' I smiled.

Ok, I will stop writing now, Caro Diario, my eyes are closing and I'm still hoping that I will wake up and remember everything. Something tells me it won't be that easy.

By the way 12) I remember every single movie I had watch, I know that thanks to Mario ( that’s the name of the receptionist guy ) we had a long conversation about our favorite directors.


	2. A town full of strange people

Day 2

Caro Diario:

Do you ever feel like there's something you are missing? No, of course you don't, you are a fucking diary and you don't know how it feels to have fucking amnesia. Let me tell you, fella, it isn't nice, specially when you are stuck in a town with the strangest kind of people you could find.

I woke up around three in the morning, understanding why this hotel is so cheap. Not only was I freezing, I also couldn't sleep because of the incredibly annoying sound that was coming downstairs.

As the minutes passed, I decided that there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, so, I got up. I didn't have to dress, since I didn't undress to sleep. I need to buy some clothes, it must be weird watching someone staying in a hotel without even a bag.

There was a sign on the wall that called my attention when I was walking down the stairs, it was some kind of juice advertisement, it said ''Best apple juice ever!'' and the name of the product, which now I can't recall. It is sad, I don't know if it really is the best apple juice ever, but I'll have to go with that for now.

Mario was probably already sleeping, he told me last night that he lives a two houses from here, and that he has to wake up very early to start with his chores. It must be a hard task sleeping around here, with all the noise downstairs. Although, after some time working here, he must be used to it, or at least he must be clever enough to buy a pair of earplugs. I made a mental note: Buy a pair of earplugs if you don't want to go more insane that what you already are.

I don't know if I have been in a night club before, but I do know that the restaurant turned into one. I don't know when. Last night I went early to bed, but I'm still very tired, constantly trying to remember things drains all my energy.

The place was sunk in darkness, some lights lit and contoured the faces and bodies of the people there, the only remains of the familiar restaurant were the filthy toilets. Thomas wasn't there, and that was probably good, I know he would find the way to speak over the music.

Try to understand me a bit, Caro Diario, I've been living for a day technically, I don't have any memories than the ones I wrote here. The only people I can think about are Thomas, Mario, that hot gut that sold you to me, and the old lady from the park. I know, it is pathetic, but I have two options, concentrating in them, or concentrating in the characters I know from movies.

That doesn't sound like a bad idea, actually, I could pretend that I was Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction, waiting for my Mia Wallace to come and make me some company.

It was a fact, I was no in the best state of mind, but to be fair, when am I? In the few hours I remember, never. I sat on the bar, because I felt thirsty and because I didn't know what to do, it was really hot in here, not like the igloo they sold me for a room. I asked the cantinier for some apple juice ''What brand?'' he said ''The best apple juice ever!'' I answered, happily, like a little child would. He stared at me, frowning, I could imagine him thinking 'What the fuck is wrong with this guy?'

I started singing 'baby got back' as loud as I could, just because I felt like doing it, this made me realize that 13) I'm not shy, like, not at all, but I already knew that, ever since I woke up yesterday.

I don't know if the juice he served to me was the same that the one I saw on the advertisement, I don't think it was, because it was pretty damn awful. I didn't control myself, I spat on the floor, making disgust faces. The cantinier didn't even look at me, I think he is used to people throwing up in there, this was nothing.

''Ok, that was horrendous. Give me a beer better'' I asked the guy when he paid attention to me again.

''What brand?'' He asked. I rolled my eyes and raised my hands, exasperated.

''I don't know, mate, just give me some fucking beer. And, please, don't give me the best beer ever, I don't think I can handle more of that shit''

The guy turned around to continue serving the other costumers, and I just stood there, looking at the shrews, not sure about what to do. There was a lot of people dancing, most of them covered in a thin layer of sweat, happily jumping from one side to the other, moving suggestively. I stared at them, lost in their movements, remembering the dance movies I had seen. Most of them sucked, really, the argument was always predictable, and just pure rubbish, but there was something about the dance itself that seemed to attract me. I started wondering if maybe I could dance, but just when I was about to get up and prove myself on the dance floor, I realized that my beer was served, waiting for me, and some strange force told me that the beer was more important. I promised to myself that I would drink just one, and then figure what to do. That would be it, no more alcohol for me.

The dance performed by the people in there became more and more interesting as the sweet nectar went down my throat, one beer suddenly turned into five, I don't know when that happened, but I was not going to complain, that meaning 14) My will is weak.

I can tell that I'm used to it, beer has a low alcoholic percentage, five glasses of vodka would've knocked me down, no doubt, but beer just made the task of focusing in something complicate. I don't have a lot of coherent thoughts most of the time, but the dizziness I felt right there made my thoughts even more incoherent than what they already were.

I felt a nice warmth spreading on my leg, and I thought 'Oh shit, I pissed myself' and tried to look down. I couldn't succeed, there was a face, inches from mine, preventing me from looking down. The warmth started to move, and I understood that it wasn't pee what I had there, it was the hand of this person moving dangerously close to my crotch.

When I was able to straighten my view, so this person would indeed become one instead of two, I realized that it was not only boy, it was a really cute boy. He was blond and had a haircut similar to mine, he had dimples in both of his cheeks, making him look even more adorable every time he smiled. Then I realized of what he was trying to do, and took his hand with my hand.

''Hang on there, boy'' I told him ''How old are you? You shouldn't be in a place like this'' I raised my eyebrows. Remember #7? 'I like making mean jokes about the others' well, lets add to it that I also like teasing people. It is the funniest thing ever.

He bite his lower lip on purpose, knowing for sure that it made him look even cuter, and started playing with one of the buttons of my shirt with his free hand, with the other, he took the opportunity and grabbed my hand. The air of the room was heavy, and I'm sure that that helped people like him.

''How old do you think I am?'' He asked, playfully. To my surprise, his breath didn't smell like alcohol, mine for sure did.

''Hmm'' I looked at him, trying to figure out his age, and deciding to be a little mean ''17 probably'' He let out a tiny chuckle and accommodate the neck of my shirt, his hand touching my skin more than the necessary. I'm ashamed to admit that it caused me goosbumps.

''I'm 21'' He said, softly ''I'm not much younger to you'' I couldn't reply at that, I really don't know how old am I. He put his arm around my neck, so he was able to caress my hair more easily. ''So, what's your name?''

''Marco'' I'm getting used to this name, I think I will keep it ''What's yours?''

''Erik'' He said, very close to my ear, his breath send shivers all over my back, and I had to suppress a shudder, I didn't want him knowing that he was winning. Damn youth.

''Erik'' I repeated, trying to see if his name brought some kind of memory to me. None ''So tell me, Erik, what happened? Did your daddy hit you and now you are trying to take revenge on him by fucking another boy?''

''No'' He laughed a little, still playing with my hair ''I just saw you there, all alone and I thought it would be nice to come and say hi''

''Let me ask you something, Erik'' I said, now decided to be completely mean ''Are you gay?'' I asked, frowning and putting a surprise face.

''What if I am?'' He said, looking at me deeply in the eyes.

''You are not gay'' I assured him

''And how are you so sure'' At some point he seemed to decide that it was very uncomfortable speaking like that, so he sat in my lap. I didn't try to stop him.

''You don't have the 10,000 yard stare ' I told him, seriously. He never stopped smiling, this kid was for sure weird, he should be a little bit scared.

''You are not being very humble, Marco'' His lips were so close to mine that I'm sure he was able to taste the beer for my lips ''I don't want to fuck you''

''Oh no?'' I faked disappointment. Ok, maybe I didn't fake it that much, the point is that I kept teasing him ''Then what are you doing here?''

''You see those women over there?'' He pointed two women holding an incredible big trophy.

''What about them?''

''That trophy that they are holding. I want it'' He said, and his eyes meant it ''There is a dance contest over there, if we go and dance we can win. I know that they don't care about how well we dance, they just care about how we look'' He stopped smiling for once ''I looked around the club, wondering who was the hottest guy in here, apart from me, obviously, and there it was you''

Wow, he was my Mia Wallace.

''What if I don't want to dance?'' I asked, majorly to make him beg, because the idea of dancing with him was very tempting. He didn't have to move much to kiss me, since the space between us was already non existent. I won't lie, his mouth tasted incredibly, and to save nasty details, let's just say it was me who wanted to fuck him right then and there. But the boy was a little teaser, and separated from me as soon as he noticed that he had from me what he wanted.

''Then I would ask you again'' He said, pouting, his lips now redder and wet ''Pretty please, with a cherry on the top?'' I didn't answered out loud, because I didn't want to admit my defeat, but I stood up, making him do it too, and took him by the wrist, we had a trophy to win.

I am sure now that I have been in a club before, or that at least I have taken some dance classes. Maybe ballet? I lead Erik through the crowd, taking him to where the dance contest was taking place. There was a couple dancing in the middle, and let's be honest, they were terrible. They were that kind of people that has two left feet, they seemed happy, I suspect that they were drunk, maybe even high, and just doing this for fun.

''We are so going to win this'' I told Erik, realizing that 15) I like to win. He smiled very wide, his eyes shining with the lights of the places moving around again and again.

Erik reached the elder women that were holding the trophy, and I knew for the way they checked him out, from head to toes, that we had already won. When the horrible couple finished with their lame act, Erik told me that it was our turn to dance. ''You never can tell'' by Chuck Berry started, and I thought that it was perfect. Too perfect.

16) I dance really well. Erik did too, he was my Mia and I was his Vincent, and we dance better that anyone in the room. I was already tasting the victory when I started hearing a police siren, I first thought that I didn't remember a police siren in the song, and then I understood.

''Oh fuck'' Said mostly everyone, as they moved. A single police entered in the place, and the music stopped. Everything seemed so quiet then.

I knew that the police was coming to get me, I don't know why I knew, I just did, maybe I tend to do this kind of stuff. The next thing I knew was that the police was grabbing me from my behind, and dragging me out of the club, Erik following us with wide eyes, and screaming something I didn't quite understood.

The air was freezing outside, it felt like if it was trying to cut the skin of my beautiful face, but that one, of course, wasn't the air, it was the police. I tried to protect my face, I wasn't scared of fighting at all, but I didn't thought it was a good idea fighting against a police man.

Against the cold and dirty wall, I closed my eyes, ready for the first punch. To my surprise, the punch never came, so I opened my eyes, to see the sun already rising in the horizon, and the police man, confronting Erik. Wait, I knew that guy.

''Aren't you the guy that was selling things yesterday?'' I asked, impressed to see the hot guy in uniform ''Are you a cop?''

He decided to ignore me, and instead, went to talk with Erik.'' What the fuck do you think you are doing?'' He asked him, exasperated.

''What? I was just dancing with my new friend Marco'' Erik waved at me.

''Of course you were just dancing with him'' The cop turned around and breathed, trying to control himself ''We had already discuss this''

''Oh, come on, Mats!'' Erik rolled his eyes ''You are just jealous'' 

''Jealous? Do you think I'm doing this because I'm jealous?'' The cop, Mats, asked like he couldn't believe it.

''Of course you are jealous! Because I'm a hot young man, and you are just a pedophile…!'' Erik started screaming, but Mats interrupt him, getting closer.

''Yes, I am a pedophile'' He said in a mocking voice ''And you know what? I look for little bastards of your age, not to fuck them, just so they can fuck me!'' He stated. Both of them stood quiet, until Erik sighted and looked at him with that innocent look he threw me an hour ago, Mats was like me, and couldn't resist it.

''Why are we fighting, Matsy?'' Erik asked, caressing his cheek.

''I don't know anymore, love, I don't know'' Mats asked. He embraced Erik, and got him up against the wall. They started making out hungrily, and I thought that it was it. I went back to my room and slept until noon.

 

Mario was there when I woke up, and I couldn't help noticing that he looked even cuter than yesterday. I think Erik left me a little bit loaded, Do I feel this horny all the time? I'm not going to add that to the list till I'm completely sure.

''Hey Mr. Moretti'' he greeted me with that smile that brights like the sunshine, and I'm going to stop there because I sound like a teenager girl ''How are you doing?''

''Not too great'' I said, yawning. Seriously, nothing can get this dizzy feeling out of me ''And please, call me Marco, I'm not much older than you'' I added, remembering Erik's words.

''Oh, sorry'' He chuckled a bit. I'm going to pee myself if he keeps being this cute ''How old are you?''

''Er…'' I tried to think quickly ''24''

''I am 24 too!'' He told me, happily ''I thought that you were older, not because you look older, is just that you know so much about movies'' Mario said, sounding amazed. ''I didn't know people of my age knew about Jean-Luc Godard''

''Of course I know about him! He is the master of the Nouvelle Vague'' I told him softly, he tried to suppress a sight, but I saw it in his eyes, me knowing this turned him on. I think I know how to get him, he is that kind of person that fancies people with the same likings. Thank God I didn't forget about movies.

''He so is'' He said, and for a moment seemed lost, staring at me. I'm not going to lie, I felt flattered ''By the way, why are you feeling bad?''

''It's just that I am really tired. In the morning I had some problems with a guy downstairs and a police named Mats. Do you know him?'' I asked, the town was small, maybe he did.

''Hmmm…'' He tried to think ''No, I don't know any police named Mats, but I do know a doctor named Mats Hummels''

''Do you?'' I asked, excited ''I really need to go to a hospital, it's urgent!'' I said, hoping that there might be some kind of help for amnesic people. Mario seemed horrified by that.

''Why? Are you sick? Are you going to die?'' He asked, very high-pitched, putting his hand in my forehead. And I thought that I was the one who had seen too many movies.

''No, no. I just'' I coughed a little and took his hand off my forehead, caressing it a little, his skin was so soft ''I've been having this throat sore fore a while, and it doesn't want to go, I just thought that the best would be going to a doctor.

''Yes, you are right'' He seemed to relax a little ''You know what? I can pass by tomorrow morning, and take you to see him''

''That would be great, you really are a sunshine. Thank you.'' I tried what I thought would be a charming smile, but he ended up laughing.

''You are welcome, Pierrot*''

I think I'm in love.

The rest of the day was pretty boring, I ate something, Thomas talked to me about this girl he fancied, but I didn't really listened. I bought some clothes so I won't look like a hobo tomorrow. I'm going to sleep again, maybe some dream will tell me something about my 'past life'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments!!
> 
> *Pierrot, le fou, is a movie by Godard


	3. A multifacetic guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at 3 am while watching Goodfellas. Try to understand me.

Day 3:

Caro Diario:

Things are getting more and more weird as the days pass by, and, God save me, it's only been three fucking days.

Mario knocked my door at eight in the morning, I almost scream, I was in the middle of a dream that seemed to be important, but I couldn't remember it anymore. I scream something that sounded like ''Wait a minute'' and got up from bed, kicking everything and trying to find my pants. I was in that horrible state when you aren't fully awake and don't really understand what you are doing, so when I found them, I put them on with difficult. 

I felt them. The gums in my pocket where burning me, I didn't even remember I had them before this, I just found them and then forget about their existence. I had to take them off and throw them to the bed, I think Mario started knocking again, but I couldn't concentrate in that, all my being focused on the burning rectangles of mint, they were leaving a faint mark in the blankets, that started turning yellow. I slowly approached, fully awake and scared. 17) I own weird objects.

The fucking mint gums weren't burning anymore when I was brave enough to touch them, they were just warm. I put them in my pocket, deciding that I didn't want to leave them there and burn the place, on the left pocket I still had some papers, so I had to put them on the right one . Mario's knocks on my door became more and more persistent, and I came back to reality. I put on some shirt I bought yesterday and opened the door.

''Are you okay?'' Mario came in like a hurricane, stumbling with his own feet. He hold me for dear life, it was really nice of him and all, but I had to rolled my eyes, he was being over-dramatic. I caressed his back, and hugged him.

''Yes, Mario, I'm fine. I was just sleeping'' I assured him.

''Wait, did you forget about us visiting the doctor?'' He asked, sounding offended and trying to separate from the embrace. That's the thing about guys like Mario, they can be the most interesting person you'll ever meet, but they like being dramatic 24/7. That makes me like him even more.

''No, no, of course I didn't forget'' I didn't let him go, making him hug me once again as we started moving a little from one side to the other ''I just don't have something to wake me up. Well, apart from drinking a lot of water and then having to pee'' I added.

''Don't you have a mobile or something?'' Mario frowned at me, staring like I was some sort of freak. Of course I couldn't tell him that there would be no use in having one ''How do you communicate with your friends and family?'' That's the quid of the question, Mario, I don't know if I have of those.

''I lost it'' I said, shrugging, because it felt like the easiest thing to do, hoping that he would ask no more. I think he understood that there was something weird with the situation, so he decided to stop asking. He for sure thought that I was running away or something, that's the way his dramatic brain works.

I felt the overwhelming desire to close the gap between our faces and kiss him like I had never kiss someone before (Again, not that I remember) For the way his heart beat against my chest, I knew he was thinking the same. I caressed his round cheek with my thumb, and his smile almost blinds me.

A second later, I decided against it, my breath probably smelled like ass. Instead, a gave him a quick peck in his cheek, making him blush like the cute little thing he is.

'' Wait a second'' I told him before entering in the bathroom. I washed my face with water that was more close to be ice than to stay like water, I preferred it like that, anyway, being covered in cold sweat, and feeling bad for Mario, having to embrace me in that state. My face stared back at me in the mirror, like accusing me of something, my vision was becoming a little dizzy, so staring back at myself wasn't easy. It remind me of Taxi Driver ''You talkin' to me?'' and all that shit. My head started aching like hell.

''Are you okay, Marco?'' I hear Mario asking from outside the door for what felt like the millionth time, his voice sounded like he was doubting of my mental health. I realized that I had said that Taxi Driver's phrase out loud 18) Sometimes I can't distinguish between my mind and real life. Mario started knocking on the door once again. For God's sake, his knuckles are going to hurt tomorrow. The noise was so annoying.

''I'm fine'' I said, having troubles with air, holding the sink tightly. My eyes were red and every noise hit the back of my head, the noise expanded, inventing weird images of another world around me, they were spinning and trying to make me go insane, black points started appearing. There was something there, in a hidden corner of my mind that was trying to scape from me, I tried to grab it, but I didn't have any hands in my mind, the gap was becoming bigger and bigger.

Now I can understand that it wasn't completely like that, I was just exhausted, sick and confused. I still can't say it was a normal faint, it was just a second, but the gums in my pocket started burning again before it all turn black.

It wasn't even half a minute after that when I woke up, my head hurting again, but this time from the knock against the floor, Mario was fanning me with his hand, concern written all over his face. I quickly sat up, not wanting to seem weak, but Mario's face told me that it wasn't possible. 19) I don't like people having pity of me.

''Marco, you are definitely not okay, we need to go to the doctor. Now'' He said to me like a mother would, I rubbed my eyes.

''Just let me take a shower first, I smell awful'' I replied, not wanting to leave just yet, my limbs felt weak.

''You do'' He said, frowning his nose. Can't say I hate his honesty, I'm just like him, or so I think ''Ok, do it quickly, I will get some papers done. And please'' He asked, remarking the word please, and putting his hand in the air, like praying ''try not to kill yourself in there''

He left, and I breathed, trying to calm down. I'm sure now that there was something there, hidden inside my mind. It is like a frozen pond, I really don't know how to explain it other way, I know there's something there, and I can get some glimpses, but I can't decode it. I keep on skating in the thin ice, trying to break it, but it turns out it isn't as thin as I thought it was.

I showered with cold water (I am starting to wonder if they don't know what a hot-water tank is in this damned hotel) until my head stop hurting.

 

 

The hospital was really small, but Mario assured me that it was the best hospital in town. Damn, it is a small town. I thought that I would have to pay, since I don't know if I have Insurance, but Mario told me it was a public hospital, which is weird for a town as small as this one.

I didn't have to wait much, Mario had called the doctor the night before, making an appointment for me, we were like half an hour late, which was perfect timing for him, he was just finishing with his other patient. 

And then, things got weird again.

I entered and sat on the chair right next to the desk, the doctor turned around and I almost scream. It was him! It was the same mother fucker with curly hair that sold things on day one, it was Mats, the policeman from yesterday that almost fucked that Erik boy against the wall!

''What the fuck?! Are you trying to tell me that you are a doctor now?'' I asked very loud, standing up and confronting him. He looked at me calmed, like I was someone with mental problems, which I might be for all I know.

''Please, sit down, Mr…'' He read some sheet he had there ''Moretti'' He finished, saying the word awkwardly. He then looked at me ''Are you sure that is you last name? I think it isn't. Anyway, Mario told me that you are experiencing some aches''

''I'm not having any fucking ache!'' I screamed. He sat all smooth and started writing in the same sheet. He knows something, I'm sure that he knows. I know it wasn't the best thing to do, but rage took control of me, and I couldn't think of a clever way to take the information out of him, so I just started screaming ''You know what do I have? Amnesia! I don't understand a single fuck of what is going on, and you cunt do! I don't even know what my fucking name is!'' I approached and took him by his shirt, he looked back at me, still and undecipherable.''Are you messing with my head, Mats?...Answer me!!'' I started shaking him.

Suddenly, he got up, pushing me back.

''I don't have anything to do with your memory, Mr. Moretti'' He declared, but his eyes told me different ''I think you've been drinking too much the last days'' He started pacing around the room, and I sat back, feeling drained once again.

I put my head between my hands, anxiety taking control of me once again. I felt the overwhelming desire to cry. Why is this happening to me? I don't understand it, I can't, even though I try and try, but three days without memory are horrible, and I realize of that now.

''You have to remember, Marco'' I found myself with Mats' face close to me, noticing that I had said that out loud once again. ''You can remember, you just need to try harder''

''But I can't'' I said, tears betraying me and rolling down my cheeks. 

''This will help you'' He wrote something in a paper and handed it to me ''you know, with your throat sore and that''

''Will it?'' I asked, my eyes shining with hope.

''I think you have caught a cold'' He told me, his eyes serious ''medicine will help you through it, but it won't repair anything. That is the thing when you catch a cold, it doesn't really matter what you do about it, it will take time till it goes away. And it always is the same time''

I thought about it for a moment, trying to understand the real meaning of what he was saying. He obviously can't tell me anything, but he knows. I am sure that 20) My amnesia isn't an accident 21)Someone doesn't want me to remember.

''Marco, listen to me'' He crouched down beside me, but they way he said it I know that 22) My first name is Marco. Guess I am stupid enough to tattoo my own name. Not the point right now. ''You can finish with the cold, just try harder''

I spent the rest of the session trying to get more information out of Mats, but there really was no use, he pretended that I had caught a cold and examined me. He didn't answer any of my questions, I wonder if he is being watched or something.

Mario was waiting for me outside, he talked with Mats for a minute before we left, when I asked him, he said they were just catching up. I told him that I didn't know the town, he said that he didn't have to work until afternoon, so we walked a little around the town. He showed me the little park in which I woke up, I pretended I didn't know it. I'm sure he told me about the town and his history, but I was in my own world, too many things to decode in my head.

I told him that we should sit down for a while when we passed by the bench in which I slept three days ago. I took him by his hand, warm and comforting, and obligated him to sit there with me. I swear I tried, I looked around the place and tried to remember something, understand how did I get there what was I doing there.

My hand didn't release his in the end. He took me to buy the medicine Mats had prescribed to me, they look like normal pills, but I know they aren't, there must be some kind of message in them. I don't even know anymore, I'm so tired.

Mario's voice turned to be a great way to counter my head ache, we talked about Robert de Niro and Martin Scorsese, I wasn't even annoyed when we got to The Red Dragon and Thomas joined our conversation, obviously not knowing shit about cinema, just chewing gum and repeating what we said. Some calendar on the restaurant that I haven't seen before told me that today was Tuesday 5, May. I don't know the year yet, but this is something.

Both Mario and Thomas like wine better than beer, and I'm really thankful for that, I can control myself with wine. It makes me sleepy, though, this has been a though day, so I'm gonna take a nap.

 

 

This time I slept better, I didn't have any weird dream, I don't know if it something to be happy of, but at least my head is not aching. It was around seven p.m when I woke, that meaning that I had slept too much once again. I stood there, in bed, looking at the shrews in the ceiling for a while, and wondering if maybe I should stay like this.

Don't say it is a bad idea, because it really isn't, maybe I can get a job and create a new identity for me. If I decide not to remember, I should run away from here as soon as I get some money, because I know Mats wouldn't let me stay like this, maybe take Mario with me. We could go to Italy or France, and do a movie together, be even better than Michelangelo Antonioni himself. I don't need to remember my past life, I can create a new one, ten times better.

I took one of the pills Mats prescribed to me before going to sleep, it made me feel better, but I shouldn't ingest more if I don't want to remember.

Looking for the pills in my pocket, ready to throw them to the garbage, I found the papers that looked like bus tickets. Mats' words echoed in my head, telling me that 23) I will, eventually remember. There is no point in trying to avoid it. 24) There's something I can do to remember, even though I don't know what it is, 25) I need to remember quickly.

 

For my luck, Mario attributed my excessive hours of sleep to my sickness, and taking pity of my state, invited me to his house. He made me chicken soup, it was delicious. We went to his bed and watched television, insulting every single movie they were passing until we found Kieslowsi's Rouge on some weird channel.

His house is very nice and all, but it just didn't give me a good feeling. It was cold, but not the air, just the place. Mario for sure is spending too much time at the Red Dragon, his house looks abandondoned, not his at all.

He talked to me about his brothers and how he never understood them, about how he is an unpublished writer, his first novel almost finished. He loves this town for his drama, and thinks that is a never-ending inspiration source, but he wants to get out of here and get to know the world.

Mario fell asleep next to me before I had to talk about me. I think I'll have to tell him about my amnesia, maybe he will be able to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sorry for taking so long, I drowned in exams and I don't have internet in my home. I will update the chapter again when it gets edited.
> 
> Feedback is love, feedback is life <3


	4. Plot twist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's been a month! I'm so sorry, I was drowned in exams.
> 
> Hope you like the chapter.

Day 4:

Caro Diario:

Why, oh, why can't I get some hours of peace? I don't ask for a load of them, just a few. Sleeping here with Mario was by far the best experience I've had since Day 1, if it depended on me, I would have stay like that forever, in a constant state of happiness and calmness, just froze time. The knocks on the window told me that it was impossible.

It was approximately three in the morning, and I was in the middle of my REM dream, so I woke up thinking that I was having a heart attack. I don't know how is it that Mario didn't wake up, ok, the window was by my side, but the noise was loud, and my moves weren't exactly soft when I sat up to see what the hell was going on.

Horrible thoughts entered in my mind, putting me in an anxious state, it was just a few seconds until I looked out the window, but I couldn't help having them. Maybe there was someone looking for me, but not someone good, maybe they had found me, maybe I was indeed running away from something. What made me feel really horrible was the fact that this was Mario's house, I didn't want him in any kind of trouble, were they going to do something to him? I swallowed hard, my mouth dry, and my heart racing, were they going to hurt him?

This idea was unbearable for me, I really couldn't think of it anymore, so I did the only thing I could do, and with my hand trembling, I drew open the curtains and looked outside.

A bright smile surprised me, mostly because any bright smile looks psychopathic at three in the, morning, even your child's, don't try to deny it. I didn't scream, ok maybe I did scream a little, but it was not a girly scream, not at all. Quickly, I drew the curtains closed and put my shoes on, throwing a worried look to Mario, who hadn't move from where he was. He probably was under Lorazepam effects (not that I know what that is, but he has a little box on his night-table that says that)

It took me a while until I found the keys, when I did, I realized that Mario had left the door open. Normally, I would think that he just forgot to close it, but there was something...off with the situation, well, apart from the situation per se.

Erik was on the door when I opened it, the same smile that I saw through the window moments ago. I didn't like this one bit, I couldn't think in one good reason of why Erik would be here, I could hear the music paying on The Red Dragon from here, like a reminder of what happened the other night.

''What the hell are you doing here?'' I spat, trying to whisper and keep my voice down, really angry, because seriously, the only thing I felt like doing right there was punching him, with his dimples and all. He batted his eyelashes, playing the innocent, that little bastard. 26) I might have anger issues.

''Let's go inside, and that way we can talk'' He said, looking at me in the eyes, and smiling sweetly. Erik tried to enter, but I blocked his path, putting in front of the door, and crossing my arms.

''Not today, Satan'' I said, and he chuckled a little. 27) It is hard for me to stay serious.

''C'mon Marco, don't be grumpy, it's cold here'' He complained, rubbing his hands to prove his point.

''Yeah, maybe that is because it is, I don't know, three in the fucking morning?!'' I smiled to him too, after that.

''Mario is not going to wake up, you know?'' His smile faded a little when he said that. Interesting.

''And you are not going to enter, that's how things are'' I frowned ''And how do you know that his name is Mario?...wait, how did you know I was here?'' 

Erik rolled his eyes ''I know Mario, it's not a hard conclusion, Sherlock''

''Well'' I answered ''I'm still sleepy''

''Anyway, let's go inside, we can't talk here''

''And what gave you the impression that I am wiling to talk with you?''

Erik got closer to me, looking insanely beautiful, and it was three in the morning, for God's sake ''You haven't told me to leave yet, now, have you?'' He licked his lips a little ''Move''

''Leave'' Was my answer ''This is not my house, I can't invite you in. Also, you seem dangerous, and I'm not going to any dance contest, so, you really don't have anything to do in here''

He tip-toed, and I knew what he was going to do, I'm not sure of why I didn't stop him. I really can't be romantic about our kiss, it wasn't poetic, it didn't feel right, for neither of us. Mario was inside, sleeping, I couldn't do it, no matter how soft Erik's lips were, or how warm they felt against the cold air. No, definitely not right.

It took me a couple of seconds, but then I realized. Maybe there was someone looking for me, why was Erik there at such hours? He wasn't really interested in me, so, there were only two options, he was really looking for Mario, or he wanted something else from me.

I shut the door quietly behind me, and Erik didn't tried to force his way in or something. I would say that things got weird again, but then of course, I would be repeating myself, things didn't get weird, they just never stopped being weird.

Mario was sat in the bed, he could have just woken up, but his eyes weren't even sleepy, they were completely focus, he had been awaken for a while, and I had the feeling that he was looking for something. He raised his view when I got there, and smiled. I don't know if I'm starting to get paranoid, I know that 28) I'm already insane anyway, but his smile seemed fake to me.

''Hey, there you are. You are sick, you shouldn't get out of bed'' He said, his voice straight. God, please tell me he didn't saw me with Erik.

''Sorry, I just, er, went outside for a smoke'' I quickly lied, terribly, of course, I didn't smell like cigarette. ''then I remembered that I'm trying to quit'' I added, sinking and sinking.

''Oh, alright'' He smiled, and seemed relieved, did he really believe me? ''come back here and let's sleep, I've gotta work in the morning'' 

 

 

Mario wasn't there anymore when I woke up, instead, there was a heavy headache that refused to leave my head. I looked in my jacket, but it seemed like I had forgotten my medicine. I put my head between my hands, the pain intensely taking control of me. Fearing that things could get like yesterday, and not ready to find that thing annoying me under the surface, I took Mario's pills. Of course, I read the things it says before trying to take one, and I didn't like it one bit, well maybe the part about relaxing muscles, but the rest? Reducing anxiety, agitation, and reducing sleep? What was wrong with Mario? (not that I am one to judge) Also, it interfered with new memory formation, I already had problems with my past memories, I couldn't take that.

I took a shower, a hot shower finally, in an attempt to ease it a little. Suddenly too many things to wonder in my head, so the shower took longer than what I had planned. The length of the shower didn't matter in the end, I didn't reach any conclusion.

There was a sandwich prepared in the fridge, and a note with a happy smile saying that it was for me. It was the sweetest thing that had happened to me ever (in this four days, of course), it really touched my heart, him being thoughtfully, knowing that I would probably awaken around lunch time, not caring about breakfast. Was it possibly that he knew me so much in so little time? Not even I know about me.

I ate the sandwich happily, forgetting about my headache, and borrowing some book Mario had there.

When the book got boring, I decided to go back to the hotel, my things were there, Mario was there, and it just didn't seem right to be in his house without him, I felt like...invading. So I did, I went back to the hotel, but I couldn't go directly to it, since something (someone) didn't let me.

''Hey, how are you doing, Marco?'' Thomas patted my shoulder a bit too hard. I groaned on my insides, how is it that half of the people I know seems annoying to me? Is that what usually happens?

''Not bad, Thomas, how are you?'' I replied anyway. I still don't know if that counts as being polite, or being a hypocrite.

''Oh, you wouldn't believe what happened yesterday'' he started ''So, you know this girl, Cinthia, right? I've been hitting on her for ages, but she didn't seem to be interested, in the end it was that she didn't even know that I was doing that…'' And that's all I heard for I while, zoning out wasn't difficult, I wonder if he even cares about someone hearing him or if he just likes the sound of his voice so much that he can't stop. 

I'm being a hypocrite, no doubt.

For the first time in his life, Thomas did say something that interested someone. He was finally useful.

''Have you seen Mario?'' I asked at some point, realizing that he wouldn't shut up, and not wiling to listen him for a longer time.

''I'm not sure, I think he doesn't work on Thursday afternoon'' He answer, thinking about it.

''Do you know his schedule?'' I asked, frowning.

''Well, not really'' He said ''I mean, we are friends and that, but he's been working here for, like, three weeks, not even him knows his schedule'' He laughed, but I stayed focused on his words.

''Three weeks?'' I asked.

''Oh, yeah, he said that he was from here, but he didn't know much about the surroundings'' He got closer to me, enjoying the attention ''between us, I think he escaped from his family or something, her mother seems like one of those crazy ladies that don't let their children go out. Creepy'' He added in a sing-song voice.

I admit it, I could had been exaggerating, but Mario was starting to get weird. Of course, there could be hundreds of plausible answers to everything, but something told me that it wasn't that easy, I think that 29) I am getting a little paranoid, but 30) I have reasons to be both paranoid and insane.

Thomas asked if there was something wrong, my face probably betraying me and showing my concern. I assured him that I was completely fine, and that I just needed to go back to my room. I quickly got up the stairs.

Mario was in the reception, bored and drawing on a paper sheet. I exhaled, somehow relaxed, his face gave me some sort of familiar feeling, how could I be thinking such things of him? He is so angelical and cute, of course her mother would want to keep him safe. A bad relationship with his parents could lead him to, I don't know, depression? Which would explain the pills. It really would explain any weird behavior.

I put my hands at both sides of his desk, he was chewing gum, and just raised one eyebrow, questioning, while I was getting my breath back. Suddenly, some kind of weird joy invaded me, it spread all over my chest, like fire. His eyes were shining when I looked up again, just like mine sure were.

Maybe it wasn't the most comfortable place, but it was the right time. I bended a little forward, and pressed my lips against his cocky smile, knowing what I wanted to do. It was it, really, I know it sounds creepy, I had known him for just four days, but he seems just exactly made for me. I think I told you about muscular memory before, how my body remembers things my brain doesn't, well, his soft and warm lips against mine, his hands in my nape, trying to get closer to me, it just felt like home. It wasn't awkward, not even in the first second.

We stayed like that for a while, making out across the desk, bent, and just a little lost in each other. It wasn't a shy cough from a client what made us apart, like in a movie would happen, it was just the need for air, and Mario remembering something.

''Shit'' He said.

''Oh, I'm sorry'' I quickly said, realizing of what I had just done ''Do you already have someone? I really didn't meant to do things uncomfortable between us'' I started blurting, and then I couldn't stop ''I mean, we can forget about this, do you have a boyfriend, or maybe a girlfriend? Not that it is my business, well, it kinda is, since I really like you, and I would like to be with you'' God, why no one stopped me? '' but if you don't want it, I'm okay with just being friends, really, we can forget about this...you already have someone, don't you?''

Mario started laughing, and I felt a little relief, at least he doesn't think I'm crazy (I am, but I don't want him knowing) he looked older for a couple of seconds, then he raised his eyes and looked at me, smiling.

''I don't have a boyfriend, nor a girlfriend, Marco'' He said, slowly.

''Oh, ok'' I said, trying to act smoothly, which was really pointless.

''I like you too'' he continued, smirking and obviously holding another laugh.

''...But?'' I urged him to continue. I know, I know, I'm a stupid, but try to understand me, after all 31) I'm in love with Mario. Yes, I am, after four days, don't give me that stare, I'm crazy! I have the right to do crazy stuff like falling in love quickly.

''But nothing, I want to be with you Marco'' His face changed when he said that, he put serious, more serious than what I expected, he started caressing my hand with his. ''I just remembered what Dr. Hummels said about you needing and expert in antiquities, or something like that''

I frowned '' A what?''

''Yeah, he said that you told him about some old papers you had'' He shook his hand, like trying to make say what it was.

''Oh, yeah, that'' I said, even though I didn't have a clue. If Mats had said so, then probably I should follow what he said.

'' He told me about how important it was, and he said you could go today around six'' He checked the clock ''That is in fifteen minutes'' He looked back at me, worried ''I have to stay here for a while longer, do you think you can manage on your own?''

''Of course I can'' I smiled ''you showed me the town yesterday''

''Great'' He said, staring at me for a while longer, chewing his lower lip, before he had the courage to give me a quick peck on my lips, I returned one to him, or maybe three before he moved and gave me some paper with an address, but of course I didn't know how to get there ''Now go, you don't wanna we late''

I smiled at him, not being able to believe how lucky I actually am. I run down the stairs again. I have to be careful, or someday I'm going to trip and damage my beautiful face.

Thomas was leaving when I got downstairs, so since I'm such a hypocrite, I asked him if he could tell me how to get to the place, he said he knew it, and offered to go with me. I felt bad, he really is a good friend, I shouldn't be that hard with him just because he is annoying.

It turned out that it was near to the park, it wasn't difficult to get there, so I thanked Thomas and said that I could do get back by myself, he smiled at me.

''Take care, Marco'' He looked at the sky, mysteriously '' This town gets more and more weird as days pass by'' He then looked at me, > I thought then ''try not to get in trouble.

Oh, Thomas, if you just knew what was about to happen.

I was just entering to the little building, which was very old, but really nice, like a museum, when I saw Mats running in my direction, breathless and sweaty.

''Do you have them?'' Mats asked, like if it depended on his life.

''I really don't know what you are looking for'' I quickly answered, wanting to help him, but not knowing how.

''The paper, Marco, for God's sake, give me the papers!'' He said roughly, moving his hands with impatience.

''I don't know what papers you are talking about!'' I defend myself, raising my hands, when he got closer, it was a natural response. He just put his hands in my pocket, and looked until he found those little papers that seemed like bus tickets ''Oh, those papers. What is so special about them?''

He didn't answered, he just put the papers under the light and tried to read them.

''Nothing'' He said out loud, I know that he didn't mean to answer my question, there was something special bout those things ''I can't read shit here'' He then looked around, and took my wrist.

''What the fuck?''

''There isn't time for stupid questions, Marco'' He said, running and taking me with him. ''There isn't time for anything really, we have to go now''

I can't explain to you what happened to my poor head there, I really don't know how many things passed by, but I know that there was just one that mattered. Mario. The universe seemed to have listened to me, or maybe not, because waiting outside, there was Mario, in a van. With a gun. I don't know if I was excited or terrified, either way, I was right, there is something off about Mario.

''Come on, Mats! Hurry up'' He screamed from inside.

''Please tell me this plot twist isn't really happening'' I told him once I got on the van.

''Plot twist?'' He asked, raising an eyebrow.

''You know, hot and cute chick turns out to be a bad ass, and suddenly you found out that the good drama movie that you thought you were watching is actually directed by Michael Bay''

''An action cliche'' Mario agreed. ''You are forgetting one thing, you know?

''What?''

''The stupid and unnecessary love scene in the middle of a persecution'' He said before kissing me hungrily. He then started the engine, I think I might be in a Michael Bay movie. 32) I'm more deep in shit than what I thought.


	5. Three years

Day 5:

Caro Diario:

I don't know what to think anymore.

Yesterday I stopped writing because I fell asleep, I swear to God is not normal how much I'm sleeping, Mats is deeply concerned. They didn't tell me much about what was happening anyway, as soon as I started feeling sleepy, Mario sent me to the back of the van, telling me to rest, and promising that they would explain everything to me later.

Today, things didn't start well, it was around ten, maybe, when I woke up, I really can't say, time passed too slow for me. My body felt week and sore, like if someone had beaten me up, the floor was hard and cold. Laying there, I called for Mario, when I didn't receive any answer, I called for Mats. My throat was already dry by the time I realized that I was alone and no one was going to answer.

Realization came in other way as well, one even harder to digest. I had too much time to think while I was there, alone, and with nothing else to do. Even knowing how much I love a good drama movie, I can't believe how nonchalant I was yesterday about the whole situation, because 33) I am in danger. I don't know how did I get myself in it, and I'm not any closer to know how to get out of it.

Standing up in the state I was was difficult, but not as difficult as having to go deeper into those thoughts, I had to stop them, because every time I try to seek that little bitch in the back of my mind, that keeps trying to escape, my head starts hurting more and more, and I don't want to get into that weird state of mind in which I can't distinguish between reality and fantasy. 

The third realization came to me then: I was locked inside the van, alone. I was too tired to panic, stress getting the best out of me, all I wanted was to sit down again, maybe cry a little and sleep more. I didn't, of course.

There was no point in trying to force the doors open, they wouldn't, but maybe I could go to the front of the van and get out from there. It didn't take long.

A sight came out of me, because, really? I couldn't believe it, I literally stood there, half way across the back and the front of the van, in a weird position, staring through the windows with my mouth open. There were miles and miles of green grass, it seemed interminable, I couldn't see an end. Where the fuck were this pair of morons taking me to?

I still didn't panic.

As you might guess, the doors and windows were locked and I still couldn't get out. I think I love Mario, and all that shit, but to be fair, I don't really know much about him, I don't know about his habits, I don't even know what's happening with me, how am I supposed to know what is happening to him? Why did he leave me locked in there? I didn't want my headache to get even worst, so I tried to look around, perhaps I could find a pair of keys. I would've been happy with anything that could help me open the door, though.

It seems like my head likes to be in pain, because without my permission, it started wondering again into dangerous paths. Did Mario knew about my amnesia? Was I right and someone was looking for me? Well, I did know the answer to that, it was pretty obvious; Yes, someone was looking for me, and Mario seemed to be somehow involved with Mats into, what? Saving me? My head ached like hell, do I know something that I am not supposed to know?

I'm not sure if I want to remember. I don't, really.

I kept looking for some keys, anything to be honest, that could help me to get out of the van. I felt something warm in one of the seats, and I didn't payed much attention to it. On a second thought, I realized that it could be food, and I didn't remember the last time I had eat, so, I eagerly looked around to see if I was right and it was food.

The warmth grew hotter and hotter, and by the time I found some mint gums in Mario's pocket, they were practically burning my fingers. I didn't care, because in that moment something clicked on my head, I might not remember a single fuck about my past life, but I do know it can't be a simple coincidence, it just can't. Gums don't fucking burn, those were my gums, Mario had took them from me, without my permission.

It isn't just that I know something I shouldn't. I own something I shouldn't. Mario knows about it.

And then, I panicked.

It was a rush, and I can't remember exactly what happened. I ducked my head, and protected it with my arm, with my free hand, I shoot the window with Mario's gun, that was under the seat. The glass shattered in a million pieces, making an incredible loud noise, lucky me, the only thing there to get frighten were some goats, that run away. I followed their example, and after getting out of the van, I started running, with the gun on my hand, and the mint gums burning on my pocket.

I must have passed out at some point, because the next thing I remember is a goat licking my face. I was laying on the road, my head aching even more than before, probably due to some knock. Everything started spinning when I tried to sit down, I had to bend to a side and throw up, it was just bile, I hadn't ate in hours, but I still felt like shit.

Mario came running to me, his eyes red, he had been crying. He sight in relief when he embraced me, but the moment didn't last long. 

''Get off me'' I said, dryly, not having the strength to try to remove him.

''What?'' He said, still embracing me. I was getting furious, he seemed so oblivious, did he really believe that I would be fine with all this shit?

''Get the fuck off me, Mario'' I tried to be firm, but I was feeling dizzy, the air didn't reach my lungs properly, and I felt like crying again, because I wanted Mario to get off me, but I wanted to wake up in a bed and be married to Mario, and realize that all of this had been a nightmare. I wanted him to hug me, and to assure me that everything was alright. But nothing was alright. ''You are a liar. You all are liars, and you are playing with my mind''

''What are you talking about?'' Mario asked, not letting go even the slightest ''No one's playing with your mind'' This time, the words came out of his mouth in a different way. He wasn't so sure anymore.

''You know, don't you?'' I asked the only thing I really wanted to know.

It hurt, it really hurt the way his eyes were prepared to lie to me, like he was used to it. He opened his mouth and tried to say something, but for my luck, he found something in my stare that made him reconsider things. He sighted and lowered his eyes.''What do you mean?''

''You know about the gums and the papers'' I stated. His eyes suddenly got bigger, as his smile did.

''Did you recover your memory?'' He asked, hopefully. I looked into his eyes for a second, trying to find some second intentions, something weird, but the only thing I found was hope in his purest stage.

''No. But that means that you know about my amnesia'' I tried to think, even with the always-persistent ache on my head (I will put numbers on the following, but I didn't say them out loud, I'm not that mad, not yet) ''So 34) The gums and papers aren't just that, and 35) I knew something about them.''

''You are very clever, Marco'' Mats said, apparently, he had been standing there the whole time ''Remember what I said? You can remember if you try''

''What if I don't want to remember?'' I asked, firmly ''I could just give you the damn things and run away''

''Marco, but what about…'' Mario's voice was shushed by Mats.

''No, Marco. That's not possible. You are the only one who knows what these things are'' Mats said, serious and close to me.

''Then I could run away with them''

''I don't think so'' He stated, and pointed at me with Mario's gun. Mario started screaming something I didn't quite understand ''Give me the gums, you'll come with us''

I rolled my eyes ''Seriously? You are not going to tell me what is happening?'' I asked, defeated.

''I promise I'll explain everything to you later, Marco'' Mario said, his eyes worried ''but you have to believe me. We are trying to protect you''

He wasn't lying, I'm sure he wasn't. He was on his knees, his look was bleak, he needed me to believe in him. Blind faith. Meanwhile, Mats was standing up, offering one hand to me, and with the gun on the other. The whole situation was so ridiculous, but I couldn't laugh, why? Because I'm a bit of a drama queen myself.

I gave the gums to Mats, and before standing up, I whispered in Mario's ear ''For all I know, this'' I made a gesture between us ''was a lie. I don't even know who you are''

He said something to me, desperate, but I wasn't listening anymore. I quickly stood up and got myself into the van, where, thanks God, some food was waiting for me. I had to write this before eating, not sure why, but I had to get this out of my system.

Do you understand what I mean when I say I really don't know what to think anymore?

**

This is getting better and better, I swear.

We kept driving for hours and hours, until I felt my ass started hurting me, and my legs begged me to get up and stretch a little. At least I didn't fall asleep again, guess that's an improvement. 

After some hours of constantly driving, we finally stopped. Mario opened the back of the van and greeted me with a sad smile. I didn't complain, needing to get out of there more that I needed anything else.

''Mats is going to talk with a specialist, I thought you may fancy a walk, and maybe some food'' He told me, his voice quiet, like not trying to disturb me. 

''What time is it?'' I asked him, dryly.

''About seven'' He answered, closing the gates.

Sun was starting to go down in the horizon, but it seemed like we still had an hour of sun or so, this city was obviously much bigger than the other one. It's funny because since that little town is the only one I have memories of, it has became home.

Mario was walking behind me, he really was sorry for everything, and I had some unanswered questions that couldn't stay in that state. He almost hit me when I stopped and turned around, ready to face him. He looked at both sides, trying to see if someone else was around, maybe he didn't want to make a scene, maybe he wanted someone to save him. None of that was going to happen.

''You need to answer a few things'' I said, firmly, poking him in his chest.

''I can't tell you anything about you, Marco. I'm sorry, but I just can't'' He quickly said, raising his hands.

''Why?'' I almost pleaded.

''You need to remember by yourself, Marco, that's the point of the whole thing'' His voice told me that he wanted to tell me, but really couldn't.

I sighted, defeated, Mario was not going to tell me what I wanted to know. He decided to take advantage of how close we were to hug me, I didn't resist.

''Is there anyway to convince you that I wasn't lying? I really do love you'' He whispered in my ear. I didn't answer, mainly because I didn't know if there was a way.

''I want to believe in you, Mario, but how can I?'' I sighted, tired of the whole thing ''I don't even know who you are''

''Let's go and take some coffee. I'll answer any question that doesn't involve you''

We walked around for a while, in silence, until we found a little nice coffee shop, and decided that it would do it. Tension was almost visible between us, I think the waitress realized of that, and after bringing our orders, ran away.

''So…'' He started.

''So…'' I repeated ''Who are you?''

'' I'm Mario. I'm 24 and this is not my usual work'' He said, apparently, he had been thinking about what to say ''I do love movies. Actually, I was helping a very dear friend of mine in the filming of one. I am writing a book, too''

''Why are you here?''

''I offered…'' He tried to add something, but in the last minute decide against it. He shout his mouth for a second before he continued ''I knew Mats, so he made some moves, and located me in the Red Dragon'' He laughed dryly, not the sightless bit of humor in his voice ''I didn't even know how to use a gun, Mats had to taught me''

''I don't understand''

''What you don't understand?'' 

''Why did you offer to help me? You didn't know how to do it, you didn't have anything to do with this world'' I was starting to connect things in my mind ''It makes no sense, why would you help me? You are not interested in the things I own and you didn't know me'' I got closer to him, and for a moment, everything froze around us, his heartbeat started speeding, and his eyes focused on me. The lights went down and the people stopped making noise, there was just us in there. I didn't realize that I was getting into that fantastic world of mine ''Because you didn't know me, did you?''

He couldn't hold my stare any longer, telling me that 36) Mario knew me before all this started. He started chewing his lower lip, and one of his hands tried to reach mine across the table, his skin was soft, his eyes were bright. It hurt to look at him, all his feelings attaching to me like if there were mine. Why does Mario have such a control on me? 

''Three years ago, I met someone, and...'' He smiled a little, nodding with his head ''I just knew, you know? It was love, no doubt, even though I was just twenty-one. We met, and we fell in love, just like in the movies we both liked to watch. One day he got himself in troubles, without knowing how, and I...'' He opened his mouth, but no sound came out of it, when it did, it was raw, like he was about to cry '' I love him more than I love anything, I had to do something, I knew Mats because we used to live in the same neighborhood a few years ago. The rest just happened''

This time I didn't faint, the little unreal universe that was building between us didn't go that far. My head didn't ache, I thought that perhaps it would do something, that my memory would be regained, that a flash of images would fill my head. But it didn't.

I am a ridiculous, dramatic and silly man. But I got it, I got it more than what I can put in words. Mario was mine since a long time ago, that is why being with him was so familiar to my body, that's why my lips felt perfect against theirs. Melancholy took me by surprise, a feeling of despair that I hadn't felt before embraced me. Suddenly, I didn't have enough strength to keep going with this. Mario surely saw that.

''Do you see why I am not supposed to tell you things? They wont help you at all'' He told me, drying the tears in his eyes. Our universe broke when Mario looked at the watch in the wall deciding that it was time to go.

''Mario, wait'' I called after him when we payed and got out the coffee shop. Mario had started walking fast, it wasn't difficult to guess that he was crying, I jogged a little until I got to him, holding him for dear life.

''The only thing I lied about is not knowing you'' He said, his voice broken against my neck. It was dark already, the wind cold, and Mario's body warm against me. A quick thought crossed my head, it was for just a second, but I couldn't believe my old me was lucky enough to get someone like him ''Everything else was real, I swear'' He sounded so desperate, it broke my heart.

''I love you too, Mario'' 

I got the feeling that he didn't believe me, not even when I answered to the desperate kiss he gave me.

 

**

 

The past five days had been probably too much for my mental sanity, that was already broken, but what I found myself doing a couple of hour later crossed some kind of line, I'm pretty sure of that, Caro Diario.

I'm not an actor, Mario and Mats are. They both acted for me a few days, and if it wasn't for their wish to give themselves away, I wouldn't have find them. I like movies, I even would like to do one someday, but I wouldn't be one of those directors who also act, I can lie, but I can't act. This point understood, it's easy to say how silly was the fact that there I was, sitting in a basement bar, waiting for Erik to come.

Honestly, I didn't have much hopes in the whole plan, it seemed build-up from nothing, and it most likely was. As soon as we got back to the van, Mats told me about Erik, apparently, he is working for ''the others'' 

Mats doesn't know how they did it, but he does know that they are dangerous.

''Wait a second'' I stopped him, confused ''Isn't Erik your...boyfriend?'' 

''No, of course not. He was just too close to you, an informant told me, and I feared that he could do something, I needed to get him out. I don't know why he followed my game''

''But why…?''

''There's no time for questions, Marco!'' Mats said, exasperated ''Just stick to the plan, and make him believe that you're on his side''

''How am I supposed to do that?!'' I asked, getting exasperated too.

''God, I told you, just stick to the plan'' He answered, already getting into the van ''Mario, please control your boyfriend'' after saying that, he quickly put his hand in his mouth, and pretended that nothing had happened.

''Did they found something?'' Mario asked, ignoring our childish fight.

''Not a single fuck'' Mats said.

The plan was very simple, not many indications to follow. I just had to pretend to be mad at Mats and Mario for lying at me, saying to him that I would give him the things. Mats asked me if I was willing to help them, of course I am, they took my fucking memory away! So, this is what I can do right now, take information out of him, and then ran away.

The alignment was also simple, I would be sitting in one of the tables, Mats two tables from me, and Mario would be behind a column, both of them in a costume, ready to jump into action if something happened, which I really wish wouldn't.

Erik turned up with that smile that he has, it is so bright and innocent that it could fool anyone, specially me, as he had already did. He came straight to my table, not looking around. There were almost no lights, and no music either, the few people in there was not the kind of people you would invite to have tea at your house. I was ready to start impressing my character, but he didn't give me a chance to talk.

''I don't have time to lose, Marco. You said you were giving me the things that you own. Do it and I'll go'' He said, looking angry, his smile hardening.

''Sorry...what?'' I asked, because I didn't quite understand what was going on. I never thought he would be go to the crux of the matter so quickly.

''I don't know what Mats was thinking, really'' Erik wondered, looking at his nails ''That you would realize by yourself that those gums and papers weren't just that, and then, communicating with me! But Mats isn't that stupid, oh no'' His smile faded away completely ''This isn't his plan at all. So, give me the things right now, so I can leave''

''I think you'll understand that I can't give them to you, then'' I added.

''I know Mats since a long time ago, I know he isn't patient and that he probably has already threaten you with a gun. So, you must be familiar with the concept''

I stood quiet for a moment.

''I'm pointing to your testicles, Marco. Since I sat' He explained.

''Calm down. In this pickle that we found ourselves in, there's only one thing left to do'' I assured him

''And what would that be?'' He asked, his smile long gone.

''Mario…'' I whispered, not taking my eyes off Erik. Mario quickly got out of behind the column and pointed right away to Erik in the same spot Erik was pointing me.

''Said goodbye to your balls, Erik'' Mario told him.

''Ok, that's enough. No more inglorious bastards'' Mats said, standing up with the gun on his hands. The few costumers that still were in the horrible basement bar run away like rats, the owner for sure called the police.''Erik, you'll come with us''

Of course that what I told you before wasn't the plan, Caro Diario, I just wanted to see if I could fool you. The only thing we wanted was to get Erik, and now that we have him, we can start with the real plan.

I still can't believe we catched him so easily, Mats thinks he is planning something. We'll have to wait and see, for now, I'm just going to rest with Mario by my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't blame you if you are getting confused with it, I would be if you were.  
> Everything's going to be answered, if you have any answer just ask, so I'll get sure of answering to it in the following chapters :D
> 
> Lot's of love and gay hearts, and thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thanks to everyone who read this, it means a lot to me. This work was created because of two things 1) I wanted to try the first person writing, and a diary seemed like a good idea 2) when I was little, I used to love Emily the strange, the other day I remember about her books and tried to find one, but I couldn't :( anyway, I thought I wanted to write something like that.
> 
> English is not my first language, I'm looking for a Beta reader, so, if you want to help me, I would really apreciate it.
> 
> Don't be shy and leave kudos and comments :)


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